FearlessFaith

5/13/10

Last night after declaring that I truly belong to God and that I wanted to serve him all the more, I all of a sudden was not able to breathe fully and my heart was in physical pain. The devil was definitely jealous of my newly restored love for God and wanted to take my happiness away! I couldn’t even do the rest of my homework cuz the effects were just so bad. My mom was worried for me and wanted to call the 24 hours nurse available by our insurance but I said that I would just sleep it off and just pray and believe in God. So I went to bed putting pressure against my chest so that the pain would be more bearable. And I went to bed with deep long breaths going in and out cuz it was really hard to breathe. I sang to God “This is the air I breathe, this is the air I breathe, Your holy presence living in me.” and I kept repeating those words and just praising God and thanking Him for the knowledge I’ve learned from the past few days. So as I was in bed just singing and praying, I started thinking of things and some of them were “what if this and what if that happened” and then I thought “wow what if I died tonight..” It made me think “Melissa, you have so much to do in your life for this world. So with the time remaining of your life you need to step up your game and not be afraid anymore. You got to reach out for the sake of Jesus Christ. God has given you spiritual and musical gifts that he wants you to use to help others and spread the Word faster so DON’T WASTE ANYMORE TIME!” After that, I was “wow God, I need to stand strong and live for only You!” so I repented right there and then in my bed like a crying little baby on my knees. I told Him how sorry I was for basically “having an affair” with the world and not being faithful to Jesus my savior. I told him that if for some reason my time on earth came to end that night, that I would be so disappointed in myself for being lazy/laid back about spreading the word of God and of his existence and of how he can truly save your life and give you the ultimate happiness. So now I want to be brave and face this world with a true understanding of what needs to be done and because of the intense struggles i’ve faced recently , I am now able to stand stronger as a Christian.

Then after that, my mind wandered to other things. I thought more about if this was to be my last night then what would I want to do. All of a sudden the word “LOVE” came into my mind. It was such a strong emotion in me that I cried even more. There was an urge in me that wanted to love and to show love to everyone I meet, even the people on the streets. BUT most importantly, I wanted to show love to my family. I regret that I haven’t been as close to my parents, especially my dad. So last night, I really wanted to get up and go hug every family member though it was late at night and they were all sleeping. Well, I didn’t do that, but I prayed more for God to change me to be able to be more Christ-like where I can give and express my love to my parents and sisters. I want to spend more time with them and just be there for them, ESPECIALLY my dad… though I know it’ll be hard sometimes. I want to change to be a person that will let God shine through me so that the love and life of Jesus Christ can be revealed in such a happy way!

This experience made me realize how short life is and that we shouldn’t waste anymore time. We got to step up and stop playing worldly games. We gotta LIVE FOR CHRIST because that’s our purpose in this lifetime! And since now I’ve found where I belong with God I need to help others to let them know of this awesome choice that they can make! This wonderful beautiful choice is JESUS! He took away my suffering and hurt during my times of sadness and at my lowest point. God gave us this life so that we could make the CHOICE to love him or to follow the devil… He is just that awesome to give us freewill—-which shows us HIS LOVE J I finally know what it means and I know what it feels like now to have this strong passion for the future with God.

This morning I woke up, my heart still feeling uncomfortable and I kinda got worried… My mom made me talk to a nurse and all her questions got me so overwhelmed and I started to break down crying. I’m better now though! We went to the doctor’s clinic today and then we went to get x-rays and then we went to the hospital to get my heart monitored with all these wires and through all of that I kind of felt at peace. I know that God’s gonna guide me and take care of me. He doesn’t make bad things happen but sometimes they just happen so that we’ll realize and learn things and remember them all the more cuz they’re dramatic experiences! So overall I’m not mad that the past experiences from earlier this week have happened. Though they weren’t the happiest memories, I’m glad they happened. Through these experiences I can stand stronger with God and I know that I can one day use them as testimonies to draw the hearts of people of this world. I’ll try my hardest with the strength of God to overcome more things everyday with an attitude of faith, love, hope, and patience. I really got to work on it because I know it’s going to be hard, but it’ll be worth it!

I’m so grateful to God that He has shown me and taught me so much! I know there is still so much more to learn from Him, but this little sneak peek of his greatness is already so magnificently wonderful to me!!!! I really pray that God will change me through all these experiences and the experiences in the future as well because I now I really want to LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE FOR HIM IN HIS LOVE!

Oh one last thing J I looove lyrics that are so deep and are relatable! that’s why I think music is such a great way to reach out to people ;) haha but anyways, these lyrics really helped me last night :D

 Kutless- I’m Still Yours

 If You washed away my vanity

If You took away my words

If all my world was swept away

Would You be enough for me?

Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted

To the God who gives and takes away?

If You take it all, this life You’ve given

Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected

The plans I made have failed

When there’s nothing left to steal me away

Will You be enough for me?

Will my broken heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted

To the God who gives and takes away?

If You take it all, this life You’ve given

Still my heart will sing to You

Even if You take it all away

You’ll never let me go

You take it all away and I still know

That I’m Yours, I’m still Yours

Oh, I’m Yours, I’m still Yours

January 4, 2010

The last few years I’ve dreamt the same dream a few times. I never understood why I had to experience it over and over again, but for some reason I did.

I entered my dream feeling happy and filled with warmth. My surroundings were white and I couldn’t see anyone else. I was alone in this empty, white universe. As dreams are normally random, all of a sudden a string that had no ends appeared. I found myself happily bouncing on it. The feeling I felt was indescribable. I just knew that there was an endless love that was present—a love that suddenly reminded me of a mother’s love for her beloved child. I can’t remember what else happened, but I knew that this place made me think of a pearl. It was pure, love-filled, and perfect. I would have loved to stay there forever, but my dream carried me away to another place…

What was once a feeling of happiness and love vanished, leaving me with fear and pain. My surroundings were dim and dark. At that moment I knew I was in a place of destruction. I found myself lying against dirt, old wood chips/blocks, and other materials of wreckage. It was so cold and lonely. Right when I thought I was alone, something appeared—a huge tractor. This tractor was larger than any tractor I’ve seen in real life and in movies. At first I was confused as to why it was there, but before I could give much more thought, the tractor charged forward and crushed me against the wreckage. As it kept pushing me deeper and deeper into the mountain of wreckage, I cried. The surging pain in me was unbearable. Every time it charged forward to crush me, I screamed, wanting to go back to the white universe. And every time it backed up to get ready for another charge at me, my heart panicked in fear for its next attack. It pushed me in so deep that to one point I felt my heart being torn out by this monster.

Because I dreamt this dream many times, I thought I knew what to expect each time, but I really couldn’t assume. Sometimes I was given a second chance to go back, but other times I was left crying in that place of destruction and pain.

I believe this dream really showed me a glimpse of heaven and hell. My description above can’t even express my true feelings because that’s how real and indescribable it was.

God gives me many second chances, but sometimes I don’t take those opportunities to get close to Him. I always tend to give up my relationship with Him by getting close to the world instead. I get distracted easily, and I end up using my own strength instead of His. I just need to remember that God is sovereign. He knows my every thought and I know that He welcomes me back into His arms every second of every day. He longs for my love, and he longs for my faithfulness, because He knows that as long as I choose to follow and be with Him, He will provide and protect me all my days. I won’t have to fear. I won’t have to endure pain or suffering. I can trust in Him and He will show me things. He will make a way when we believe there is no way. He turns the impossible to be possible. I can just be with God. God is love. And that’s all I need! :)

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:1-3  (New King James Version)

Everyone has a different purpose in life, but together we work for the same purpose. However, sometimes we just don’t know what our calling is. The world seriously confuses us throughout our daily lives that we don’t know where to turn, or how to make a decision. We have so many decisions to make in our lives—whether it’s deciding what school you go to or what’s your favorite color. It all seems so important,  but in the end it really doesn’t matter. Our situations and worries are nothing compared to the full picture. When you are lost in life, ask yourself have you called upon Him? Have you ever waited upon Him? Have you ever given Him the chance to pour His heart out to you? Or have you been just a “little” ignorant?

It’s so easy to push God aside and worry about worldly things, because sometimes God seems so far away.. or at least it seems like the next time Jesus comes back it’ll be in a VERY long time, so we don’t need to panic yet. but really, we need to realize that it’s real. He’s really coming back soon and we need to be prepared to meet Him with all the love He has given us—the love that is placed and used by all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. It doesn’t matter how many trophies you’ve won or how many accomplishments you’ve done in this world. Just be with our loving Father and know that He is God. He is the creator, the beginning and end, the alpha and omega, savior, redeemer, but most importantly He is my Father. When He comes back, it will be amazing! 

So reading that verse in Isaiah not only made me want to reach out to the whole world, but it also reminded me that our actions say a lot about who we are—our identity. Though in comparison to all of creation, we appear to be grains of sand, I believe that ONE can truly make a difference. Though what we realize and know may seem like a lot, it is probably not even 1% of what God knows.

Anyways, actions say more than words, and I believe that our actions are influenced and affected by prayer. The power of prayer is incredibly powerful and influencial! Prayer is like the foundation of everything we do and say. It is also through prayer that God can guide us with wisdom and build an intimate relationship with us. 

In Christ we can do all things, and we just need to realize the importance we have in God’s plans and will. He is so ready to tell us what He has in store for us, we just need to humbly come to Him with open hearts.

Let everything we do and say be for the glory of God!

July 16, 2009

you know, in this generation we face so many complicated situations that a lot of times we just forget our real calling, our intended purpose. I know I take many things for granted, and those things can vary from opportunities to even a chair. It’s so easy to push God aside and just live a life full of the world. We probably all face distractions everyday…distractions that somehow always result in a spiritual low, but we need to step away from that. I know it’s obviously so easy in saying that, but it’s essential to living life in Christ. so our actions must start now. but with those actions, persecution may arise…

Luke 6:22-23          ²²Blessed are you when men hate you, 

       when they exclude you and insult you 
       and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.

  ²³“Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

When persecution comes, we still need to shout hallelujah and leap for joy b/c that will discourage the devil. He expects it to hurt you, damage your faith, swipe you out, and basically leave you in dismay. That’s why we need to focus our attention on the reward that’s coming  and the fact that JEsus said we are blessed.

and after reading Acts 20:24 it really reminds me to not get caught up in what people think or what people say in this world. We should get caught up in pleasing the Lord. Get caught up in finishing our course with JOY and in the hope that’s ahead. 

That hope is enough to make anyone—under any circumstance—leap for joy!

May. 11th, 2009 at 7:14 PM

 The past few weeks have really been hard and frustrating! The situations that I have encountered aren’t the easiest to deal with either… I think the devil wants to pull me down. I love God and the devil just can’t stand it! well, I’m sorry to disappoint him, but my love for God I pray will remain strong b/c of the foundation of the relationship I have, in which I constantly want to get closer each day. Yesterday was seriously horrible. At around 11 PM, I just crashed emotionally. I couldn’t take any more drama or any more problems. I don’t know how  to solve the problems, butI do know that God wants me to search and ask for wisdom, b/c that’s the most precious gift God could ever give us in this life! Asking for other things is seriously useless—there is really no point, BUT receiving the wisdom from God is extremely valuable.

 I have gained an awesome buddy over the past month, and it is really GREAT! I have gotten so much encouragement in my relationship with God and it’s just so much easier to not deal and think of every situation by myself. I know that God has put this friend in my life for a reason—to help me grow spiritually in God and to strengthen my faith in Him, while securing my love for Him in my heart and life as well! 

 If you think about it, there is so much to look forward to in life! so many opportunities in which we are able to share and encourage others for the “wedding” of Christ! I get nervous sometimes just thinking about it, b/c I feel ashamed and disappointed of myself…but sometimes I also feel excited and just longing for His return! When He returns, we can reunite as a family! 

 Everyone is united together through LOVE!

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God’s Gift to me

Apr. 15th, 2009 at 11:20 PM

So I was walking home today from school. Normally I listen to worship/praise music, but today I forgot my ipod. So as I was walking, all of a sudden, God gave me a bible. There were two men in their 40s/50s and they were just randomly handing out mini bibles along the street where I was walking. At first, I thought they were some junky stuff, so I didn’t even hear them say what it was…I just walked right past. But then a few feet after passing them, something made me turn around and ask what they were giving out. I bet it was God…!!! Anyways, I asked them and theysaid “The New Testament, in addition to the book of Psalms and Proverbs too!” After saying that, they immediately gave me one, so I took it. I started reading scriptures/passages aloud the whole way home. Cool thing was that each time I read an important verse, the wind blew harder/stronger than normal. It was soooo awesome! It felt like God was pointing out to me what he wanted me to focus/ notice in his word. So it took me longer to get home because I was multitasking, but it was totally worth it! I got to spend time with my amazing God and I felt sooo in love!!

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Apr. 13th, 2009 at 6:33 PM

 so I read Luke 19:37-40 today and it was about

-Crowd praising Jesus

-Pharisees said to rebuke the worship/praise

-Jesus replying: “I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

 basically not only does God receive our worship, he expects it. If we miss our opportunity to worship Him, NATURE will fill in to worship Him b/c he’s sooo worthy to be praised. This totally just reminded me how BIG and awesome God is!! 

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Revelations

Apr. 3rd, 2009 at 7:03 AM

 Wow, so basically all of my life everyone has called me mature, and I never really understood why I was like that since little. Somehow, I just knew with my instincts what should be and what shouldn’t in a strict manner. So yesterday, as one more person said that in an email, I looked to my left—the hallway—sighing… and then all of a sudden God started talking to me. He told me that He makes everyone different for a reason. and so he made me mature from a very young age to help and serve in his ministry at an earlier age. Maybe he thinks that I’m so capable or I guess he really needs me to save this generation. He’s given me my gift of music—I shouldn’t waste it on stupid things. And just this whole week, especially during my walk home yesterday he has been showing me things. He told me that he wanted me to step up to take my place in his will, and at first I was intimidated… but then I was like “you know what? If I didn’t serve God, what other purpose in life is there? It’s pointless if I didn’t serve God” So I have decided to take up a mission—-serve Him in the music ministry to hopefully influence others in this world, making them realize that they need Jesus. I hope music can touch others, because it definitely helped me get closer to God in the beginning.

 Also, having my ear and music gift, I never really wanted to teach others everything I have in me. but now, I see that I have been so selfish. I actually need to share my gift with others who want to develop theirs b/c God gave me my gift; I have no right to just selfishly keep it all in me just to show off, not wanting people to play like me. SO now, I have seen my bad motives, and I totally agree that although I have fallen, I will stand up stronger this time.. EACH TIME I FAIL, I WILL RISE UP STRONGER THAN BEFORE because I know the Lord will give me strength in which love never fails. I can do it becasue I believe!

 wow.. now I really want to go out into this world and share with others! give them love! give them encouragement! Helping them experience the Eternal God! Alright, I’m officially starting my mission right now!

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Creation

Apr. 2nd, 2009 at 2:59 PM

So I was walking home today from school when all of a sudden a nice breeze blew by. I was like “wow thanks God, that feels nice”

As I was walking home, I was listening to worship songs and the lyrics were really inspiring and awesome! Half the time I was talking to God and the other half of the time I was just closing my eyes enjoying the wonderfulness of the music and creation! So after taking it all in, I opened my eyes, finding 2 paths. One was the hard way and one was the easy way. One was wide and one was narrow. At that moment I remembered a verse that said that there is a door that is a wide open…sadly many people choose that path. The other path is a path that is hard to get into. Remember that verse? It was like it’s easier for a camel to……..? something like that. well, it just hit me then that I needed to take the path that led to the Lord. Not physically, but emotionally and in a mission manner if that makes sense. I looked down the path, and I saw that it was a long way! i was like oh no… I have to travel much farther to get “home”. but it looked worth it because although i couldn’t see the end of the path, I saw beautiful flowers and trees and the whole beauty of nature! so i was like ” home: here I come” The whole way home I just felt so excited for God and he is so creative and smart and brilliant! Then when I got home, I was like wow this is my refuge and it is awesome!

I was able to relate to the mentality that I want to have for God. No matter how long that path is, I want to reach the end, becasue I know that it’s worth it. and I know that something so much greater, so much bigger than I could ever imagine is waiting at the end—the finsish line- FOR ME!!

I’m so amazed by God :)

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Love…and Passion

Mar. 22nd, 2009 at 4:14 PM

so in the book When God Writes your love story, i learned something about love. When you first start dating someone, you get all the lovey-dovey, gushy feelings, and after you get married, those feelings start to wear off. Well, once those feelings go away, you need to continue to keep loving that person, because you chose to love that person. It was a CHOICE. because you decided to make a commitment, you can’t back out anymore. So instead, you can love that person by using God’s love.

I got this from a sermon just last week. He said that we need to keep our passion burning for God just like a hot air balloon. Let’s not become a helium balloon, where it deflates every so often.

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“Conversation” between God and Adam