FearlessFaith

January 4, 2010

The last few years I’ve dreamt the same dream a few times. I never understood why I had to experience it over and over again, but for some reason I did.

I entered my dream feeling happy and filled with warmth. My surroundings were white and I couldn’t see anyone else. I was alone in this empty, white universe. As dreams are normally random, all of a sudden a string that had no ends appeared. I found myself happily bouncing on it. The feeling I felt was indescribable. I just knew that there was an endless love that was present—a love that suddenly reminded me of a mother’s love for her beloved child. I can’t remember what else happened, but I knew that this place made me think of a pearl. It was pure, love-filled, and perfect. I would have loved to stay there forever, but my dream carried me away to another place…

What was once a feeling of happiness and love vanished, leaving me with fear and pain. My surroundings were dim and dark. At that moment I knew I was in a place of destruction. I found myself lying against dirt, old wood chips/blocks, and other materials of wreckage. It was so cold and lonely. Right when I thought I was alone, something appeared—a huge tractor. This tractor was larger than any tractor I’ve seen in real life and in movies. At first I was confused as to why it was there, but before I could give much more thought, the tractor charged forward and crushed me against the wreckage. As it kept pushing me deeper and deeper into the mountain of wreckage, I cried. The surging pain in me was unbearable. Every time it charged forward to crush me, I screamed, wanting to go back to the white universe. And every time it backed up to get ready for another charge at me, my heart panicked in fear for its next attack. It pushed me in so deep that to one point I felt my heart being torn out by this monster.

Because I dreamt this dream many times, I thought I knew what to expect each time, but I really couldn’t assume. Sometimes I was given a second chance to go back, but other times I was left crying in that place of destruction and pain.

I believe this dream really showed me a glimpse of heaven and hell. My description above can’t even express my true feelings because that’s how real and indescribable it was.

God gives me many second chances, but sometimes I don’t take those opportunities to get close to Him. I always tend to give up my relationship with Him by getting close to the world instead. I get distracted easily, and I end up using my own strength instead of His. I just need to remember that God is sovereign. He knows my every thought and I know that He welcomes me back into His arms every second of every day. He longs for my love, and he longs for my faithfulness, because He knows that as long as I choose to follow and be with Him, He will provide and protect me all my days. I won’t have to fear. I won’t have to endure pain or suffering. I can trust in Him and He will show me things. He will make a way when we believe there is no way. He turns the impossible to be possible. I can just be with God. God is love. And that’s all I need! :)