FearlessFaith

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We’ve Got ONE amazing GOD!

5/13/10

Last night after declaring that I truly belong to God and that I wanted to serve him all the more, I all of a sudden was not able to breathe fully and my heart was in physical pain. The devil was definitely jealous of my newly restored love for God and wanted to take my happiness away! I couldn’t even do the rest of my homework cuz the effects were just so bad. My mom was worried for me and wanted to call the 24 hours nurse available by our insurance but I said that I would just sleep it off and just pray and believe in God. So I went to bed putting pressure against my chest so that the pain would be more bearable. And I went to bed with deep long breaths going in and out cuz it was really hard to breathe. I sang to God “This is the air I breathe, this is the air I breathe, Your holy presence living in me.” and I kept repeating those words and just praising God and thanking Him for the knowledge I’ve learned from the past few days. So as I was in bed just singing and praying, I started thinking of things and some of them were “what if this and what if that happened” and then I thought “wow what if I died tonight..” It made me think “Melissa, you have so much to do in your life for this world. So with the time remaining of your life you need to step up your game and not be afraid anymore. You got to reach out for the sake of Jesus Christ. God has given you spiritual and musical gifts that he wants you to use to help others and spread the Word faster so DON’T WASTE ANYMORE TIME!” After that, I was “wow God, I need to stand strong and live for only You!” so I repented right there and then in my bed like a crying little baby on my knees. I told Him how sorry I was for basically “having an affair” with the world and not being faithful to Jesus my savior. I told him that if for some reason my time on earth came to end that night, that I would be so disappointed in myself for being lazy/laid back about spreading the word of God and of his existence and of how he can truly save your life and give you the ultimate happiness. So now I want to be brave and face this world with a true understanding of what needs to be done and because of the intense struggles i’ve faced recently , I am now able to stand stronger as a Christian.

Then after that, my mind wandered to other things. I thought more about if this was to be my last night then what would I want to do. All of a sudden the word “LOVE” came into my mind. It was such a strong emotion in me that I cried even more. There was an urge in me that wanted to love and to show love to everyone I meet, even the people on the streets. BUT most importantly, I wanted to show love to my family. I regret that I haven’t been as close to my parents, especially my dad. So last night, I really wanted to get up and go hug every family member though it was late at night and they were all sleeping. Well, I didn’t do that, but I prayed more for God to change me to be able to be more Christ-like where I can give and express my love to my parents and sisters. I want to spend more time with them and just be there for them, ESPECIALLY my dad… though I know it’ll be hard sometimes. I want to change to be a person that will let God shine through me so that the love and life of Jesus Christ can be revealed in such a happy way!

This experience made me realize how short life is and that we shouldn’t waste anymore time. We got to step up and stop playing worldly games. We gotta LIVE FOR CHRIST because that’s our purpose in this lifetime! And since now I’ve found where I belong with God I need to help others to let them know of this awesome choice that they can make! This wonderful beautiful choice is JESUS! He took away my suffering and hurt during my times of sadness and at my lowest point. God gave us this life so that we could make the CHOICE to love him or to follow the devil… He is just that awesome to give us freewill—-which shows us HIS LOVE J I finally know what it means and I know what it feels like now to have this strong passion for the future with God.

This morning I woke up, my heart still feeling uncomfortable and I kinda got worried… My mom made me talk to a nurse and all her questions got me so overwhelmed and I started to break down crying. I’m better now though! We went to the doctor’s clinic today and then we went to get x-rays and then we went to the hospital to get my heart monitored with all these wires and through all of that I kind of felt at peace. I know that God’s gonna guide me and take care of me. He doesn’t make bad things happen but sometimes they just happen so that we’ll realize and learn things and remember them all the more cuz they’re dramatic experiences! So overall I’m not mad that the past experiences from earlier this week have happened. Though they weren’t the happiest memories, I’m glad they happened. Through these experiences I can stand stronger with God and I know that I can one day use them as testimonies to draw the hearts of people of this world. I’ll try my hardest with the strength of God to overcome more things everyday with an attitude of faith, love, hope, and patience. I really got to work on it because I know it’s going to be hard, but it’ll be worth it!

I’m so grateful to God that He has shown me and taught me so much! I know there is still so much more to learn from Him, but this little sneak peek of his greatness is already so magnificently wonderful to me!!!! I really pray that God will change me through all these experiences and the experiences in the future as well because I now I really want to LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE LIVE FOR HIM IN HIS LOVE!

Oh one last thing J I looove lyrics that are so deep and are relatable! that’s why I think music is such a great way to reach out to people ;) haha but anyways, these lyrics really helped me last night :D

Kutless- I’m Still Yours

If You washed away my vanity

If You took away my words

If all my world was swept away

Would You be enough for me?

Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted

To the God who gives and takes away?

If You take it all, this life You’ve given

Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected

The plans I made have failed